. .prosodic arson. . . . . . .(header pic tribute to Zilon).

She had a face more expressive than any person I have ever met. Her sweet smile always acompanied by the joyful tapdance of her nails on the floor when I would come home from school, work, wherever. She always listened and she always forgave my vices. I don't think I could love any person like I loved and do still love my dog Tinkerbell.
I feel incoherent, this seems lost and lame but something has to come out. I expect she'd be put down by now. My aunt called a few hours ago and wasn't really that coherant. I mostly just caught that Tinkerbell was half paralyzed and at the vet. Linda, my aunt, just needed to get through to my mother to get permission to give the last word. I'm not really sure where they are and Linda didn't know. They're in Whistler staying at the Delta I think. Hadn't thought it to be necessary to take the phone number of the place.
God, poor Linda; having to deal with all this on her own. I know she loves Tinky as much as I do. I feel terrible not going there now but I was in Toronto at a photoshoot and now... Now I just feel cold and frozen. I'm afraid to go home. It frightened me when I heard Linda cry. It always frightens me when I see the strong people in my life cry. It makes me back away because I am afraid of crying myself. Then I just act cold and cry 5 minutes later. I want to call her but I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do.
I just want to sit at the top of my stairs at home with Tinky lying next to me with her head on my lap. Just one last time... just one more day to talk with her, play tug of war, just watch tv with her snoring next to me.
It kills me to think of her now... At the vet on some stainless steel table frightened out of her mind unable to move and completely confused.
I can't write about this anymore.
Love you Tinks