. .prosodic arson. . . . . . .(header pic tribute to Zilon).

I will attempt to get you fully updated and to speed on my past to
current endeavors and shenanigans post-dating the great apartment fire of
October 31st 2004: 'twas a true Halloween when at the strike of the
whitching hour the fire bells did sound and my sweet place of slumber and
debauchery did meet with an oh so curious and unfortunate debacle. "Candles,
my dear, are not to be left unwatched. Not for an hour, not from an inch!"
the Hallow witch's whisper came creeping inaudibly before my ear. That
aside, a new chapter of my life, if it could be related to the pages of a
book, did begin to unfold.
Slowly at first. I cannot stress that enough. Like corn startch slowed
molasses forced through the eye of a needle I did recover my ground.
Innitially set forth to reainstate myself in class and recover my lost work
my goal soon moved to rebuilding my portfolio in light of a brighter career.
I became, after my third trip to the optometrist that year, bespectaled and
university driven. Yes, I dropped out of Sheridan college and shifted my
minds eye to the great, now ravished world of film and television.
Currently, you may be thinking, "Will this boy ever make up his
seemingly jet-set mind?" The answer is no, it's rather doubtful that he will
ever be satisfied with what this world may offer, but then, who should be?
So, five months of photonic larceny later, 3 nude ladies, a bathtub
full of brewed coffee, an apartment covered in lewdly marked post-it notes
and a severly bent love square (it may have even graduated to a love
pentagon at one point) and I had a portfolio ready to be showed off at
many-a-top film schools primarily; York, Concordia and Ryerson University.
of course, I had a back up plan aswell thanks to my partially psychotic,
wholly paranoid and fantastically cool father not to mention my entirly
obsessed mother. Enter applications for a degree in the arts (I give you the
next thirty seconds to laugh at me. Don't disappoint me, it better be a
wholehearted chortle rivling that of a fat man being inveigled by a
feather). Now that is a vivid image if I ever did see one.
Thus far I have gained early acceptance to York U for English Lit and
University of Toronto for arts and humanities the latter of which I didn't
even finnish filling out the forms for hahahah! Backups and back-backups
aside and I'm still waiting on my replies from film schools. I made it past
the first tier evaluation for York film production and screenplay writing
and went to my on campus tour and interview and made those socialist
university types sorry they ever considdered me. I suppose they thought they
could intimidate me by placing myself and the 35 other evalutees in a closed
room together in hopes that we might kill eachother and make their decision
easire. Well, with dreams of domination, normally I would have made short
work of the room with swords and steel glinting in the morning sunshine but,
this time I felt it prudent to mess with the bastards on a slightly less
headline grabbing more subtle level (feeling the need to lay low from the
media) and punish them for their very inhumane and completly unsocialistic
act. I aptly turned the room into a group of pseudo-retarded caterwauling
happy clapping idiots. I had them all convinced it would break the tension
if everyone clapped and cheered each time a candidate returned from their
interview. Subsequently, the entire group was chastized by the department
secretary as I slipped away for my interview. I would have to say, overall
it went rather well. I was granted extra interview time above the five
minute limit for portfolio showing and had my interviewers laughing and
smiling right through the ordeal. Should they not choose to let me in I
shall enlist amongst the ranks of the writing for a brief semester begining
in September and retry with a slightly more prodigal strategy at a slightly
post-proximate date!
In waiting amongst all the portfolio mayhem I have kept myself
entertained with a newly heightened level of geekdom. Indeed I have
denounced my social ties and have traded them in for the amenities of videogames,
anime, writing, and general solitary computer fun. I have moved home with
the parents in St. Catharines and somehow convinced a stranger to give me a
job. Employ Christopher Jay Martin? These people must really be mentally
compromised. Now I find myself amongst the ranks of the toasted sub artists
of Quizno's Canada. WOOT! And soon I may be employed as a bartender, waiter
or some other wekker at the Hardrock Cafe on Cliffton Hill in Niagar Falls;
Honeymoon capitol and tourist destination number one in the etire world!?
Let the extravagant tipping flow!
That just about sums up my life for the past six months minus the usual
qualms and scruples that go hand in hand with women. I find it necessary to
state my frustrations as follows: I SUCK! I say that in good humor with a
good little self directed laugh. I'm still all for the origional plan: I'll
become a famous director and get rich producing blockbuster films and we can
get married. Screw all those other proverbial "fish" in the sea; they can
swim amongst themselves hahaha!