. .prosodic arson. . . . . . .(header pic tribute to Zilon).

I'm affraid!

of?

Alone at night in a big empty dark house on the edge of a ravine and menacing forrest by a fast flowing cold polluted river surrounded by an all too vivid past haunt me like the echoes of a persistant memeory fighting against the repression of a need to forget.
   dare I venture forth into the realms of remeniscent thought that I might be torn apart by those desperate memories that cling like vacant shells: aparitions of my past clawing like zombies. They are no longer memories, they no longer remeber, they only seek to feed on my exhistence so that they may endure to tear apart the next soul that I might encumber.
----------------------------------

   I am nothing of the sort
   I am full only of emptiness

   is that not a contradiction, of sorts?

   a paradox indeed
   the very condradiction suggesting and entirly new level of existence that only denotes the true possibility of a higher and parallel form.
   yet, in callig it a form I only negate it's existence as it is nothing, and doesn't exist...
   it is nirvana... it is the impossibility and inevetability of all life
   is it death?
   the very nature of death: life ensures that this is truly impossible in that having been alive, even for an instant, a still born perhaps, has directly affected the life of some who has an effect on the lives of many and it snowballs right down to efffect what seems could be the entire universe and all other possble realms no matter how minute the changes and there fore to die, even to be...
   forgotten in the conciousness of others is still to be imortal as the change is ierreversable.
   and therefore I feel, as a being all will ever endure and the only possibility of life is that death is not anything truly possible.
   To, in fact, seek death or this looming state of nothingness is to erase any eveidence or possibility of ones life and to in fact erase something shows that it at one stage existed...
   ... In the end... my final summation is that either I will ever endure as a repeating force that is not aware of his previous being or existence... perhaps, as I careen ever closer to my said death thus notion will become more clear...
   it may be revealed to me... but then if i know nothing of my previous past then how will knowing this at the last minute... which could possibly be the first minute really matter..
   What kind of horrible cycle is this?
   what kind of twisted cyclical infinitely transient torture is this....?

Breathe.

   so, I'm invincible but entirely fallable
   and then... really the only thing that matters is the mark I leave on the world for myself to follow step in... does this mean I get annother chance... or maybe I'm entirely wrong...upon death I shall find myself in a tube, trapped forever... but what is forever without a guage of time and life?
   I'll tell you if you can feel forever forever is not possible... the very notion of time highlights the very essential notions of a begining and destinct end... this means there was a start... but where is the finnish?
   and why was there a sart... was there nothing...?

   who says there has to be?

   will there be nothing again?
   I'd like to witness nothing

   you couldn't

   suppose that is where I'll end up.
   maybe....'
   death is a conspiracy!

   so is love

Thats just scary.....

   so is life.

   maybe life is in cahoots with the locusts of time.

   so is ... my coffee.

   that's it....